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50 Things Not to say Onstage

1. Why are the lights not coming on?

2. Does anyone remember where i got this fuse from?

3. Well i have a safety chain and a wingnut left over.Can anyone see a problem here?

4. I have just spilt coke on the lighting desk.

5.What does this "delete scenes" thing mean?

6. You remember that key for the light dimmers that we were going to duplicate,well its too late
now.

7. You do know you are taking 26 amps from a 13 amp socket.

8. Is that hum supposed to come from the PA when the lights turn on?Oh dont worry its stopped
now.

9. You know that no-colour blue,its green.

10. You know we just spent two days rigging 86 lights,well everytime i turn on the lights it trips
the circuit breaker.

11.Don't panic but.....

12.Oh I knew there was something I had forgotton.

These were taken from an old copy of The Stage from the 'Flyman' column. I thought it might
amuse you. Can you think of any others? -Courtesy of Dan Mills.

The Technical Rehearsal

13. It looks as though there'll be time for a third dress rehearsal.

14. Take your time setting back.

15. There's plenty of room for more lanterns over here.

16. We've been ready for hours.

17. The head-sets are working perfectly.

18. The cue lights are working perfectly.

19. I can't hear the band.

20. The band have no complaints.

21. The whole company are standing by whenever you want them.

22. That didn't last long.

The Actor

23. Don't let's talk about me.

24. I really think my big scene should be cut.

25. This costume is so comfortable.

26. I love my shoes.

27. No problem - I can do that for myself.

28. No problem. I have a fantastic agent.

29. I have no prospects of wrok for the forseeable future.

30. Let me stand down here with my back to the audience.

The Stage Crew.

31. That lantern is not in the way.

32. It may take a moment - I want to be sure the booms haven't been knocked.

33. We'll get in early tomorrow and do it.

34. No, no. I'm sure that's our job.

35. Anything I can do to help?

36. All the tools are carefully locked away.

37. Can we do that scene change again please?

38. It's a marvellous show.

39. I don't need this many on the crew.

40. Thanks, but I don't drink.


The Electrics Crew.

41. I must mend the kettle in the publicity office.

42. This equipment is more complicated than we need.

43. Of course I can operate sound from here.

44. Be sure to keep that lantern away from the flying pieces.

45. No problem.I'll do that straight away.

46. All the equipment is working perfectly.

47. That had nothing to do with the computer - it was my fault.

48. I have all the equipment I need.

49. Thanks, but I don't drink.

50. MACBETH.

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Comments

( 1 patron — Enter )
amielzbth
Jul. 9th, 2008 03:34 pm (UTC)
I love how actors freak out over Macbeth. I never saw any harm in it but this actor I dated got so pissed when I used the word. I still think its funny. I wanted to write a play called "Macbethed!" once and have like some of the letters changed to characters used when describing profanity. It never happened though... LOL!
( 1 patron — Enter )

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